Before I became the mother to a son, my world was filled with strong, amazing women. Growing up in a working class, immigrant family, women worked. My maternal grandmother was illiterate so she cleaned homes. As a child, my mother worked as an ivory carving artist and as she grew into adulthood, she was a waitress, seamstress, take out food worker, curtain maker, assembly worker, and restaurant manager. There isn’t such a thing as stay-at-home mother when your family’s livelihood is dependent on every dollar that every able-bodied person can bring home. Always a proponent of education, she went back to school in her late 40s to attain her GED. I worked in our family take-out business starting from 12 years old through college coming home on certain weekends to help out. I had multiple internships at university to make pocket money. From the day they were both born, I grew up with my 2 girl cousins in the same household with my young aunt who cared for me as her own. Our upbringing and connectedness made us sisters. All of my closest friends were (and still are) strong, awesome women. Sisters of my heart. Smart, independent, good gals with the inner strength of Amazons. Business leaders and hard workers with a focus on family and living their best life.
Don’t get me wrong. The men in my life are super duper, too. Considerate, kind, reliable, great partners, fathers, brothers, husbands. But I simply don’t have the same heartstring ties to them, except for my amazing husband. He’s like one of the girls.
I consider myself an open, inquisitive and warm person. As someone who usually stood out from the Asian norm (and I still do - I’m a big, loud, smart but not always the sharpest tool in the shed, empathetic, not great at science, math or money, enthusiastic, usually loud laughing, got-a-dark-inner-biatch Asian-American woman), I found that as a mother I want to make sure I instill my welcoming, inclusive, this-is-real-life beliefs in my son. I want him to appreciate different colors of people and the histories of life they hail from, but not make it more than a description of someone. I want him to walk around in the world and understand that families are made up of various combinations in a myriad of ways, but that the most important quality of a family is the LOVE. I want him to know there are pets in this world that need a good home and they don’t need to be purebred and expensive to be desirable. I want him to value hard work and understand what a privilege yet necessity education is. I want him to be appreciative of the animal whose life was taken so he can enjoy his beef meatballs. I want him to not fear the death of a loved one, but rather celebrate the life that person left behind.
That’s why when my son Hunter was born, I was a little out of my depth. Not just because he was a newborn baby, but because he was a boy. Do I buy “boy” clothes or gender-neutral? Should I decorate the nursery with gender-neutral themes and color palettes? We live on Long Island, NY, can I buy the little coral colored polo shirt if I pair it with seersucker pants? Must I buy the requisite sports equipment when I don’t play sports? (If you know my sports enthusiast husband, it is a flat YES to that question.)
I have spent the last 5 years teaching my son to keep an open mind and heart. I keep non-traditional exposures open for him even if my husband disagrees. I buy the baseball, football, soccer, lacrosse, tae kwon do, obstacle course equipment because he enjoys both playing and watching sports with my husband. The requests for super hero books, toys, t-shirts are approved, but I slip in the baby books about artists like Degas, Monet, Matisse and Van Gogh on the Amazon list. I buy him Da Bomb bath bombs primarily because he loves them for the scents and the little toys inside, but also to support the 2 teenage sisterpreneurs who started that business. I bring home the Shoe-La-La Book and put Nella the Princess Knight or Mira Royal Detective on TV to balance all the super hero, super ninja, super turtle shows that lack such characters. When we watch Power Rangers, I always comment that there aren’t enough girls on the team (my son has since informed me that they added a purple ranger and she is a girl). When we split up into teams playing Uno, it’s boys against girls. Since I’m the only girl in our house, I’ve got a gripe with this. I balk at this splitting up according to gender and the boys have since updated it to Awesome vs Not As Awesome. Ok, I can live with that.
There was a period of time between 2 and 4 years old, where my son would be sad that I wore nail polish, but he did not. He wanted to have pretty nail colors on his hands just like Mama. He would use the markers to color his little nails and beam happily. To this day, my little man picks out which earrings to wear every day and his decisions are certain and proud. He watches me put on make up in the mornings for work and asks for some too. I pat on a smidge of compact makeup and across his nose and he smiles with joy. When I forget to put make up on, he reminds me, ”Mama, you forgot to put on make up. You need it to look beautiful.” Oh boy, now I have to battle the thought that a woman needs make up to be beautiful rather than feel beautiful. Ai yai yai.
Covid-19 situation is awful and incredibly scary. We are living our future lives now. Distance learning, remote work, loss of jobs, masks during shopping, lack of toilet paper and other essential supplies has become our current norm. However, with all the uncertainty, fear and tragedy comes gratitude, appreciation and injection of time. We have been home now for over 1 month. Hunter and I are together all day every day. The only other time I had time like this with him is when I was on maternity leave or when we are on a 1 week vacation. Though we love it, I find I am constantly brainstorming learning and creative activities to do together. Whether it’s sinking and floating objects in a bin of water, baking muffins, creating math games or doing yoga kids videos together, I need to keep him occupied and engaged.
I thought back to my childhood, a time before ipads, computers and Netflix. A time where our 1 TV had a channel changing dial ON THE TV and we were only allowed to watch in the morning on weekends or sometimes after dinner. My cousins and I were constantly playing and delving into our imaginations. We were teachers and witches and pirates sailing the open seas. We climbed the trees in our background and the hallways in our rental home. Barbie and her friends were constantly made over and had hair cuts. We made up apple (fruit) commercials while singing our jingles into an oscillating fan. Most of the time we drew or colored because it was inexpensive and kept us at the dining table for what felt like hours. (Now that I’m a parent I can appreciate the reality of time. If you ask my aunt, I’m sure it was more like 20 minutes. Just enough time to keep us in 1 place, while she started to cook dinner instead of having 3 crazy banshees running around the house and underfoot). I remember we also played paper dolls because it kept us at the table, too.
Playing with paper dolls feels relaxing to me. I love the process of gingerly popping out the paper doll and her clothes to ensure it does not tear. The delicate fold back of the tabs to help the clothes stay put is painstaking and requires patience. I love that the world opens up and evolves all because I change her clothes. As I reminisced, I wondered how children today feel about paper dolls. Do they even know what that is? I wondered if Hunter would be excited or bored by this idea?
One morning, my son just wasn’t settling down into his schedule. He mentioned that our schedule was too different from his pre-K class. In the morning, they visit the Month, Date, Day of the Week and the Weather. They have a little flat figure they have to dress appropriately for the weather. Then, they would read a book, move onto centers and play outside. To accommodate him, I tried his way for a couple of days. It doesn’t work well when your kid keeps telling his Mama how she’s doing it all wrong. *sigh. So, I brought out the construction paper, scissors and markers and got to work.
That was the day our paper doll Jack was created. (He has since been renamed to Peter Parker.) Hunter’s enthusiasm and excitement is contagious. It’s all he could think about for days and constantly imagined what else we could design. He conjures up a concept, art directs me (“no Mama, he needs pads under his football jersey”), and I execute by creating the template and cutting out the pieces. He draws the missing body parts on the figure such as the nipples, 8-pack abs and penis. (“Mom, I should have drawn the penis bigger.” Oh boy, I cannot make this stuff up). He colors the figures and clothes. That first session lasted over 1 hour. We have since continued to expand our paper doll world over the last couple of weeks. Peter Parker can now be Spiderman, a Skateboarder, a Race Car Driver, a Surfer, a Sailboat Captain, a Spring pre-season or Winter on-season football player, a Boxer or a super-fly kid with dynamic Summer, Fall and Winter ensembles. Peter has since gained some new friends like Barry Allen/Flash, a Wheelchair Using friend and a Princess. There are an onslaught of new concepts coming.
Sharing our paper doll adventures has led to family and friends creating their own paper dolls, too. Paper doll comeback!! We decided to share our paper doll template with other little friends to give them a chance to decide who they want to be today, too. (My true secret mission is to give my friends with little kids 20 minutes to sit and enjoy a glass of wine or wait for dinner in peace and quiet.).
Hunter’s love for his paper doll is fun to experience together. He is having a blast and can hardly wait to play. And I have to admit, neither can I.
For our little friends, if you would like a paper doll of your own, download our complimentary Today I Want To Be…Me! pdf on the Paper Dolls page. Enjoy!
